Since i was a child i never had what i desire.
i cant have my own guitar in music class coz im not rich.
I cant have extra lesson at school coz i can't afford it.
My dad never really there when i need it.
My family got broke.
my sisters are fired from their jobs at the same time.
one of them is sick,
the other has to work for feeding her two sons.
my friends hated me.
i never feel happy in my own house,
i never had true friends,
i never be able join my favorite extracurricular,
my dad died coz of blood cancer,
while spending most of the family money as the payment for treatment in 4 years,
i never pass any scholarship,
i never had a longer relationship than a year,
I cant enroll in my favorite university,
i cant even afford to buy my own cellphone.
my mum said everything will be given by You when the time comes.
I tried to wait and follow Your order.
I believe someday You'll give me the chance.
I believe in You for years.
Yet the chance never came.
I am tired.
I'm sorry, but I need to tell You now that i'm tired.
I won't blame You, God, for this hard time in finding the purpose of my life.
And I know that Your followers, and probably even You, will be so pissed off with this question.
but I just want to know when You will allow me to find it, coz it seems like You have made my journey hard these days in this year.
You gave me alot, life, breath, healthy body, sane mind, i know.
But what is it worthy for if in the end i live my life in this "uselessness" and this "inability"?
Forgive me, God, if it made You very upset.
I am desperate. I need Your help.
Please... Help me.
(no preaching comments please)