Peut-ĂȘtre nous n'avons pas besoin d'amour. Peut-ĂȘtre c'est une aide que nous avons vraiment besoin (Maybe we don't need love after all. Maybe help it what we really need)

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Seminyak, Bali, Indonesia
Life is merely a journey to the grave, but to make the journey become a beautiful parade or a dark mourning ceremony is all in your hand.

About The Blog

nothing special. just a compilation of my feelings. feel free to read or use if it is not my own work (like song lyrics). stealing my own work will not give you any lawsuit, but please respect the owner by not taking any part of the content that is made by me without my acknowledgment and without putting my name on it. :]

April 21, 2012

A Thought(s) of Me, You, and Us In This Saturday Morning

Winter is approaching the southern hemisphere, making morning darker and colder each day. I don't mind though, because the weather and the heat get milder and nicer each day. It's just becoming a bit difficult to wake up early now.

But today I made it to wake up early, while checking on my cellphone, wishing there would be you texting me. There's one message I read from you:

Sayang kamu...

It's funny and nice to imagine you trying to speak my mother language every time we flirt at each other.

I knew it's still dark in your northern part of the world, but I couldn't resist to send you that message, wishing somehow the message got through your dreams or something. I hold myself from texting too much romantic words for you, since you said you were worried if the words will ended up as words only. So I smiled, and replied:

Have a nice sleep.

Sounded silly, I know.

I decided to prepare myself for a gym today. I've been enjoying my holiday working out since I barely can work out during my work. I packed my clothes and drink, and waited at the bus stop. The clouds were moving slowly, seems like they were trying to caress my loneliness away. But it made it worse. I looked at my cellphone. No reply.

In the bus I sat at the corner, enjoying the philosophical view from the bus window. My thoughts were swayed by the blue ocean and sand dunes that we passed. I imagined what my life would be if I move to your place. It was too soon, I know, but I felt this big urge to quickly paved my future, and in that big plan there has to be you.

I forgot about you for awhile in the gym, focusing on my work out and body shaping. Suddenly my friend mentioned me through twitter. after replying it, I open your account. The melancholy crept again slowly.

I walked quietly under the evergreens beside the road after gym. I thought about how my future will be. will I stay here, or will I return again? Or maybe I will be lucky enough to move to your place, running away from everything, building our own world with only you and me.. I don't know. For the first time in my life, I can't answer my next plan for the future. Too many things to accomplished, and I didn't now what to do. Future never terrifies me like this before.

Down town I stopped by in a gift shop, enjoying the sound of wind chimes they sold in front of the store. I browsed around and I found some nice things I might want to give to you through mail. I thought about how you might like this, or that, and how to send it.. My mind was making a grand design for giving you some surprises you'd never get in your life. But then I put those things back. I was scared without reason.

After shopping some groceries I went back by bus. In the corner I silently watched the clouds floating away.

I never felt like this after a long time, a feeling that is so strong that it drives me insane inside. a feeling that both makes me happy and sad at the same time. Feelings that gives me courage and fear all together. The feeling that I used to hate so much because it gives me more harm than good. The feeling that is happening way too fast that both of us feel scared to let us totally in... But... It doesn't matter, though. I enjoy this insanity in every second of it. But when I fall so fast through this emotion, my mind grasped my hand painfully, waking me up to reality, questioning me about the future of myself, arguing the feelings, and putting doubt and fear and questions. How do you know if it is true? What if the feelings are not mutual? What if it's all lies? What if it doesn't work? What if in the end both of you can not make it? What if? What if? What if?

I sat quietly in my living room. I can see the ocean from here, blue and calm. I remembered yesterday I wrote something on the sand for you.

I checked my cellphone. No reply. I smiled. Maybe you're still asleep.

All I know is that I miss you. And I hope you miss me too.


And right after I push Enter on my keyboard, saving this story, my cellphone rang. It was you.