Peut-ĂȘtre nous n'avons pas besoin d'amour. Peut-ĂȘtre c'est une aide que nous avons vraiment besoin (Maybe we don't need love after all. Maybe help it what we really need)

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Seminyak, Bali, Indonesia
Life is merely a journey to the grave, but to make the journey become a beautiful parade or a dark mourning ceremony is all in your hand.

About The Blog

nothing special. just a compilation of my feelings. feel free to read or use if it is not my own work (like song lyrics). stealing my own work will not give you any lawsuit, but please respect the owner by not taking any part of the content that is made by me without my acknowledgment and without putting my name on it. :]

July 07, 2012

Another Thought(s) of Me, You, and Us In This Saturday Morning

I woke up today with a bit of hangover. I wasn't drinking the other night, I just couldn't sleep well. This queen-sized bed didn't really help in terms of comfort, after all. I felt my blanket, hugging some part of it while leaning myself on the wall, staring blankly in the dark. Somehow,  I imagined you were sleeping next to me.

Winter is here finally. Morning becomes longer and colder, making it difficult to leave the bed. I turned the lights on, then lied my head on the pillow again. Unconsciously my hand reached an empty side next to me. Maybe you might be there, magically teleporting yourself from your warm Summer here, in my winter. But my arm touched nothing but a freezing air.

I packed my bags, ready for another gym today. As I walked pass the kitchen, I saw my suitcases lined up neatly in the living room. I'll be leaving soon. I decided to sit on the couch, throwing my eyes to the ocean on the window, silently enjoying it. Your voice from depths of my thoughts slowly creeping back, filling the empty house I'll be leaving soon. Thinking back in those days when I was late for work, and you voluntarily offered me help in preparing my work clothes everyday so that I wouldn't have to jump around with one feet in sock like kangaroo looking for my other half sock.

But then that moment came across. The moment that hurt my heart so, the moment when I was physically and mentally weak, the moment when I couldn't bear it anymore. Thinking of you with some other guy that time made me..

Ah, forget it. It's over. I shouldn't let the sadness crept in. I smiled, and decided to went exercising.

Winter air cuddled my loneliness away during my walk in town. The sea, the birds, the people.. I wish you were here to enjoy all this with me. We could watch movie together, snuggling in the back seat, maybe having a kiss or two if no one's watching. I could show you the lighthouse, the gift shop, the park, or maybe we can just hold hands together. That could be sweet, if it came through. But again, I sighed myself back to reality.

I walked down the supermarket aisle, picking food. Remember when we talked through phone, pretending I'm shopping for us? Every time I walked the same aisle, I couldn't help but smile, especially when I pass through aisle where your favorite movie characters are displayed. I couldn't help but to touch it again, thinking that you might be happy if I gave you these. But that thoughts quickly faded into reality. I put it back to where it belonged, and left the aisle.

Then my phone rang. It's my teacher and her family. She wanted to take me to one of the local resorts for farewell party. I said yes, and off we go five minutes later. The thoughts of you disappeared for some hours, until they drop me back home. I put my bag in the house, then wore pair of thongs out to the beach across the road.

I stood silently, staring blankly through the ocean. The writing I wrote months ago had been washed away by the cold wave. Our love too, I suppose.

Do you still think of me in your Summer like I did this whole Winter? Do you feel the same pain and lost in your happiness like I did in my loneliness? Do you sometimes paused a bit in your life just to wish I am there like I did to you?

I didn't expect you to understand, though. You might just come with your arguments and we might ended up in fight as always. I just want you to know that I have forgiven you. I have forgiven myself. I have forgiven us.

I took off my thongs and decided to let the wave cuddled my toes. And...



  1. Don't worry. That someone never forgot about you and never really left you. That someone just gave you the space you need. And while that someone is silently enjoying his summer alone with nobody but the other members of his wolf pack, he will always be not far by you in thoughts....

  2. Good night. May the stars always protect you.

  3. May the Summer warms you wolfie. please say hi to that person.

  4. To what person? The moon that I am howling on every day is the only accompany I am taking while I carefully care for you from the distance.

  5. oh fine. go howl at the moon now. shoo shoo