Peut-ĂȘtre nous n'avons pas besoin d'amour. Peut-ĂȘtre c'est une aide que nous avons vraiment besoin (Maybe we don't need love after all. Maybe help it what we really need)

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Seminyak, Bali, Indonesia
Life is merely a journey to the grave, but to make the journey become a beautiful parade or a dark mourning ceremony is all in your hand.

About The Blog

nothing special. just a compilation of my feelings. feel free to read or use if it is not my own work (like song lyrics). stealing my own work will not give you any lawsuit, but please respect the owner by not taking any part of the content that is made by me without my acknowledgment and without putting my name on it. :]

October 13, 2012


Just today one of my senior was wishing to get married soon. He was around his late 20s, a crucial time for Indonesian people to rethink about their life purpose and start settling down. I was laughing at him and teasing him. But once I retreated into my sanctuary of thoughts, my own cubicle of random thinking, I began to feel the same way as he did. I am 24.

As the thoughts grew bigger and bigger and bigger like a huge tree from my small cubicle of thoughts, sunlight penetrated among the leaves, creating translucent green sparkle that dazzled my thoughts away. I thought about how it would be beautiful to get married. No more running away, no more tiring adventures with love, no more break ups and insecurities. No more lying to myself. I just wished that I could skip the process of fishing and just luckily met my big white whale and stop sailing.

But then in the hallucinated green lights, A warm and calming arms touched my back. It's Ashley. That grey-winged androgynous snapped me out of reality.

"Don't get tired. Keep looking. Keep trying. Or you can always stop. It was you who keep fishing in the storm. You CAN always stop and wait till you are very sure about it, which is something you do now."

"But.. What if I missed the whale? What if when I sail there, I will only find tunas and.. stuff?"

"Are you allergic to tuna?"

"No, I'm not."

"Then enjoy the tuna, my dear. You can always NOT eat the tuna. Your choice, and seems like you are bound to taste whatever fish you caught."


"You don't have to. You can always set them back free," said him while holding my arm. We then floated and flew slowly, passing the branches of the big green tree. And in one of the big branches, we sat. Faraway, we could see the top of the tree, blinded by the sunlight.

It was shady and cool, my kind of weather. He smiled at me and looked at me deeply.

"You see, you do realize that getting married will only halt your way to your final purpose, don't you?"

"What is my final purpose?" I asked. He laughed so loud hearing my answer.

"Oh my Goodness I can't believe I am destined to guard an abstract person like you...", he then touched my back warmly, then his other arms raised up, pointing to the far top of the tree, passing the green leaves, to the very top of the tree, illuminated by the sunlight.

"That, my dear, is your final purpose. The branch we are sitting is your current situation. You are getting strong, like the branch. However!" He then walked, tip-toeing to the trunk of the tree. He then lean on the trunk, looking at me, then tilt his head up.

"Look up there!" I looked up. There are more branches covering above my head. "That... Is my other dreams I will have to fulfill..".

He smiled. "That is correct! Still long way to go, dear. Long way to go."

"But.. It's MY dreams, not the Universe. What if it against the Universe and in the end there will be no branches left?"

"You think too much," he said while smiling. "Nothing is impossible, dear..".

Ashley flew back to me, hugged my back gently, and whispered, "So don't give up..".


I opened my eyes and looked at the time. It's 9.30.

I should go to the gym soon.


  1. ngelmu iku kalakune nganti... unyuuuu #eh

  2. Hallo di..or dan :p I'm back..gosh you always have an interesting topic in your blog.. before I give a comment to this topic, may I know what is your main reason when you decide to get married? And have you ever considering about your "target"? Like you said that your target is to get a white whale...IMHO it is very high target to aim :D


  3. Hi Ryu! You are one of the best example in commenting by leaving at least your name! :D

    White Whale is a metaphor of one of the famous story written by Mr.Dickens, Moby Dick, which is a story of an old fisherman hunting for a big giant whale he called Moby Dick. I see myself as the fisherman, craving and wishing to get the whale. The whale itself does not really matter, what matters is the connection between the whale, my target, and I that I wanna bring through my writing.

    It is still high, though, but I believe someday I might get it. Although as you have read my blog there, I grew a bit tired of it. :)