Peut-ĂȘtre nous n'avons pas besoin d'amour. Peut-ĂȘtre c'est une aide que nous avons vraiment besoin (Maybe we don't need love after all. Maybe help it what we really need)

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Seminyak, Bali, Indonesia
Life is merely a journey to the grave, but to make the journey become a beautiful parade or a dark mourning ceremony is all in your hand.

About The Blog

nothing special. just a compilation of my feelings. feel free to read or use if it is not my own work (like song lyrics). stealing my own work will not give you any lawsuit, but please respect the owner by not taking any part of the content that is made by me without my acknowledgment and without putting my name on it. :]

October 14, 2012

Grey

"I am scared..".

***

The sky looked so blue today. Clouds decorated the light blue sea of air with their smoky look. It was clean. It was bright. It was beautiful.

It was empty.

I sat alone, in the corner of the bus, staring blankly at the sky that slowly turned grey. Or gray. Huh, it's funny how spelling can puzzle you these days. Whatever it was, the sky was getting darker and darker. No one but me and the driver was in the bus.  As the first drop or water pouring to the glass-window, my heart trembled.

"I am scared..".

***

I sat at the couch of gym's waiting room, waiting for the rain to stop. People walking by, passing by with their drink bottles, their muscles, their sweat. People walking by, and I sat there still, staring at the greyish sky. Slowly, the grey sky crept into the waiting room, engulfing everything in smoky-grey color, leaving me alone, sitting on the couch. Alone in the endless grey shades.

"I am scared..".

***

I stood in the middle of the crowd in the city in front of the station entrance. People walked by, chatted, talked, ran, growled, yelled, swore.. I looked up to the sky. The grey color greeted me coldly. I then looked down, seeing the wet pavement below my sneakers. It was cold. It was.. bitter. But it was addicting.

"I-I am..".

***

I let my feet be caressed by greyish wave while my eyes wandered around aimlessly. The sea.. The place that always seemed to call me, looked very calm and peaceful.  But at the same time, it looked very troubled, very cold. I stood up from the grey sand and started walking closer to the water. As the freezing sensation touched just above my calf, I stopped.

"I am.. I am scared."

"I always said that I am okay. I have been trying so hard to be strong. I cast away the old and whining me, trying to be more mature, to be what a man is suppose to be. I have been trying to be more realistic and sarcastic. I let go of emotional attachments that will cloud my judgment, trying to remove any unnecessary bond that will result in pain... I am stronger now. But why am I still scared?"

I could not help it. A grey tear ran through my cheek. I could not help it. My knees suddenly grew weak. I fell and scarily tremble.

"I have fought this far.. For everyone. But no one is here to share the smile.. No one..".

As my voice slowly drowned in tears and sadness, I grasped the sand under me so tight that it hurt so bad.

"I am scared. Somebody.. Please.. Help..".

As everything slowly dissolved into shades of grey.. I could hear a warm voice.. A very warm and nostalgic voice.

"You'll be alright. You're not alone, dear...".

***

I woke up from my nap, all in sweat. I looked at the window. It was blue, with smoky clouds decorating it. For awhile, I felt a bit happy, but then as I looked through my room, I sighed and whispered..

"But.. I am still alone."


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