Peut-être nous n'avons pas besoin d'amour. Peut-être c'est une aide que nous avons vraiment besoin (Maybe we don't need love after all. Maybe help it what we really need)

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Seminyak, Bali, Indonesia
Life is merely a journey to the grave, but to make the journey become a beautiful parade or a dark mourning ceremony is all in your hand.

About The Blog

nothing special. just a compilation of my feelings. feel free to read or use if it is not my own work (like song lyrics). stealing my own work will not give you any lawsuit, but please respect the owner by not taking any part of the content that is made by me without my acknowledgment and without putting my name on it. :]

June 28, 2012

Heart-beat

While discussing some of the students' behavior during our trip back from school, my teacher told me a very inspiring story when she tried to deal with one of the students. More or less this is what I got from what she said to the student:

"If you ever feel that you really hate your life, then touch your chest and feel it. Feel the heart beat. As long as it is still beating, then that's your life. No sulking, no complaining. Just do your job, you can make your hateful life more lovable or you can spend your time keep hating it till your heart stops beating, till your jobs' over. That's just it."

Again, another lesson of life. Thank you. :)


June 27, 2012

What's Left

Today is just another plain days at work. Naughty pupils, lessons, tests, worksheets... In the middle of this "quiet life" I decided to open one of my social media account and found out that my ex-spouse-to-be liked my status. Hmm, that's strange, I think. I remember removing that person from my account.
Regardless, I decided to click on the name right next to the small thumb icon and read the only status I can read from that account. It was a bit shocking, but then I smiled.

"Happiness can be found everywhere, if you accept it, rises can be found everywhere if you search for them. Nothing in this world works like a perpetuum mobile. You have to put energy on it."

I could not lie that I still keep the feelings inside, no matter how painful and hurtful it was. But I knew that it was not suppose to be like that. We might meet and greet, walk together from different path to side by side, and inevitably must accept that our path separate some ways. What I need to treasure is not the pain and loneliness. It's the love. New experience. New-unfulfilled wishes like that small bucket I am filling in for the ticket to Germany, small gifts I would like to give personally.. It ended up badly, but otherwise it was a good start, and resulted in good lessons.

So I copied that part of the status and decided to post it in my blog, just as a reminder that maybe we have actually had been over from each other. And as a reminder that I also have to stop sulking over the flat tire and start replacing it.

But before that, there is one more promise I must fulfil.

June 19, 2012

To Love Someone That Loves You

Just a thought that crossed my mind again these days, recalling one of the show back in Indonesia (I forgot what it was) that interviewed some public figures about the different choices and the reason. One of the interesting part is when the show interviewed the figures about this question:

"Which one do you prefer? To love someone or to be loved by someone?"

Some people, mostly the gentlemen, chose the first one. The male instinct of hunting the prey might had to do with that, but some ladies who chose the first option considered that "it's not the time for us now to sit beautifully and wait for our prince to come."

The others chose the second one. They considered that "Love grows. Even in the most barren desert, if someone plant a seed and keep watering it, it will eventually grow, create flowers, and bear fruits. So does love. Love can flourish whenever there is a "gardener".

I think both are right. In some point love is precious to be chased and to be fight for, but fighting for something that is never there will be foolish as well. I like to nurture and like to feel like I am needed, but am not the mighty gardener that will be persistent enough in growing hard seeds. Motivations, seeing the sprout growing green and bearing hope helps me to fight for more.  Like what I used to say to someone, "If you want people to stay, you have to give them reason to stay."

Oh well, love is definitely not my specialty. :\

June 15, 2012

Patience

This late afternoon I spent some times talking with my teacher on our way back home, talking about the so called relationship. We discussed about some random people's relationship, and spent more time talking about my teacher's life with his kids and wife. We laughed and shared thoughts, but deep inside I was stunned.

Somehow I feel envious. People around me slowly find their own pathway to their destiny, either in love, career, family... And me? I'm still in a position where I can't call myself settled, but not necessary dependent as well. I want to feel the feeling of secure, having stability in life, not worrying about how will I live on the next ten years. I am tired of guessing the un-guessed, planning the unplanned, preparing myself for the unprepared moments. In short, after reflecting others' life to myself, I feel insecure about my future, love, career.

Love maybe the very first point I need to underline. As a human being in the early twenties, people might not believe that I am TIRED of experiencing roller coaster of life. I dated too many people that I'm tired of undergoing the process anymore. The thoughts of "Can we just meet and married?" keeps crossing my mind. I just want to be settled in my life. I want to stop adventuring with my feeling. This ship of emotions are too tired of sailing. It needs a harbor. But again, it is NOT EASY to find the right person. It's not just about "that person must be in one synchronized wave with me," but more to "we must be in the same tune, at least something that can hold on to us together, whether it is similarities or differences." And thinking to find the right harbor for the ship makes it worse.

Career. What more could I say? I'm a dude, early twenties, refusing to live with Mommy anymore, willing to be free at last from the bind of the big family that likes to keep lots of eyes to their smallest kid in the house. I just wanna be alone. I just wanna prove that I can do it. I can survive without further help. And I can make my family proud. But it seems like it's gonna be more difficult than it looks like. My mindset it somehow different. In some ways, even if I am craving to have a settled job, I don't wanna get settled with one job and bound to it and finally grow old, losing the spirit, and keep working like robot till the end of my life. I still wanna soar, experiencing the Earth, experiencing the world. I don't wanna be "that regular dude" who wakes up in the morning, working with no soul in his booth with coffee, go home, sit on a couch while watching football, and fell asleep. And died sometimes in the future raising kids that will have no pride on their Daddy. I wanna be different. And apparently my wish to be different leads me to tough roads.

It might be strange for having those thoughts coming out from someone who is not in his 30s yet. And in fact, after I spilled out everything, my teacher just say:

"No worries, Pak. Next time, your turn will come."

I was silenced. But then I realized. I could not just wish everything to happen. There is a process for that. I might only see people from their result, neglecting their process to achieve the result. People who are lucky to get married and happy with it spend years before they finally decide to let go of their freedom in exchange for a happiness they haven't known yet. Most successful friends of mine experienced hardships before they can actually make lots of money constantly. There are people older than me who are still struggling for that as well, so I am not supposed to feel left out.

I smiled while I saw my teacher's car went away. While walking inside my house, I took a deep breath and think,

"Patience, big boy. You'll get what you want, when you deserve to get what you want."

June 11, 2012

A Silly Dream For Today

Driving down next to the coast line, staring at the endless ocean and the white belt of sea sand, suddenly I have a wildest dream ever.

"I wish someday my best friend who is good enough in car driving and keen enough to accompany me and I can go for a tour to Europe on a car, spending months driving from the corner of Greece and going up to England, then fly back home. We'll bring supplies, tent if necessary, and multilingual dictionary. We will travel and travel, and buy souvenirs in each country, and write a story of a random person we met in that country. We'll visit pubs and monuments, taking pictures, store it in our thumb drive, and print it someday, and it will be the best story we will ever have."

Silly, isn't? Well, who knows. :)

*Inspired by a story from an old and experienced lady*




June 03, 2012

Manusia itu Lucu

Manusia itu lucu, sepertinya sih begitu..

Mereka mengeluh tentang betapa sulitnya mendapat pasangan yang tak hanya menilai mereka dari fisik,
dengan cara menilai dari fisik mereka.

Mereka mengeluh tentang betapa pasangan mereka begitu egois,
dengan cara mengedepankan egoisme mereka.

Mereka mengeluh tentang betapa orang lain tak memahami mereka,
dengan cara tidak memahami mereka.

Mereka mengeluh tentang betapa kurangnya yang mereka dapat,
dengan terus merasa kurang dengan apa yang mereka punya.

Mereka mengeluh tentang betapa orang-orang selalu menyakiti mereka,
dengan terus memberikan sakit yang sama.

Manusia itu lucu, seharusnya sih begitu..
Tapi kenapa didepan cermin ini..

hanya kudapat rasa malu?

June 02, 2012

The thought for the Day

It is a post related to dream and reality that I always been concerning for since long time, and so as my ex-spouse-want-to-be (ok i won't explain that term). I found this post in a site called 9gag.com one day, which is pretty interesting as well since that website mostly filled with meme jokes and stuffs and kinda less serious notes. However, more or less, this is how it was:

When a human die, they say brain will still work for seven minutes by re-playing all of the memories it had acquired in a dream-state. And since it's a dream, it will feel like it lasts very long, since time doesn't realistically has its power and law in dreams. So, what if you actually had died, and this whole-life experiences you think you just have now is only your "7 minute-replay?"

Hmmm...