Peut-ĂȘtre nous n'avons pas besoin d'amour. Peut-ĂȘtre c'est une aide que nous avons vraiment besoin (Maybe we don't need love after all. Maybe help it what we really need)

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Seminyak, Bali, Indonesia
Life is merely a journey to the grave, but to make the journey become a beautiful parade or a dark mourning ceremony is all in your hand.

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nothing special. just a compilation of my feelings. feel free to read or use if it is not my own work (like song lyrics). stealing my own work will not give you any lawsuit, but please respect the owner by not taking any part of the content that is made by me without my acknowledgment and without putting my name on it. :]

April 07, 2013

Lost in The City Light

The rain stopped pouring slowly, leaving the dark grey asphalt colder with its dirty ponds. The lights above glimpsed slowly due to power down. They looked like stars above us, didn't they? Glimpsing and twinkling..

I sat there, enjoying the twinkles of these artificial lights in my loneliness. The streets are crowded with glimpses of yellows and reds, sometimes whites and greens too. They moved in unison, glaring their lights through the remnants of rain dews left here and there around the pavements and trees. They made noises too, yet for me it was all silent. They still smell bad though. The distinctive smell of Carbon monoxide being coughed out of their mufflers choked me a bit.

I then stood alone, watching those lights commuted back to where they belong: to houses, to apartments, to places each of them called home. Each light brings one or maybe more passengers back to their dwellings.

My mind began to wander itself again when I heard his familiar voice.

"What's up?"

I looked away. "Nothing."

Those cold hands touched my shoulders as I heard a whisper. "Why are you running away again?" he said.

I stood up, shrugging myself away from those hands and that whisper. "I wasn't running away! I was just..".

He smiled. "You're scared.. 'Cause you're in love."

"I won't call this premature attachment 'love'", I muttered. "This wasn't love. It's too soon to call it love."

He walked pass me and hugged me from behind, whispering again. "Are you sure? Why is it so difficult for you to say no this time?"

Again, I shrugged away and looked at his blind-folded eyes. "I like to observe, not to involve. Involvement will not make the result genuine. Life is a big laboratory for me to observe human behaviors, languages, and personalities. I may not involve, because..".

"Because you know once you ARE involved, your life will be affected. Your system will be disrupted. You could no longer have control in yourself. Right?"

I said nothing. I... I was always alone. Everyone that touched me within left. Everyone. I was just too tired to have another farewell party. That is why I consider attachments as a pain that needs to be vanquished. Therefore... I kept my distance from people around me. I interact with them, I smile with them, I help them.. But I never want to stay with them. Distance put me in a safe zone where none of them can affect my own little world of myself and my security. Distance will protect me from the impact. Distance is the reason why I'm here.

"Look at you," he said. "You're devastated. Damaged. Abused. By yourself. You want to play with them? Then why don't you do it? You said that things are not supposed to be complicated unless you make it so. You just make it complicated."

"You didn't know what I feel," I muttered. "You didn't know how it feels like to wait in vain for something that is most likely non-existent. I...".

"I am you. Have you forgotten?"

He stood in front of me as I slowly looked at him. He didn't look like me. He's more defined, taller, and maybe more attractive. Yet he is me. He comes from me, and he will stay with me forever.

"Still, your existence is questionable. Only me who can see you. And some other friends.."

He laughed sarcastically. "At least I am cooler than your other... Pathetic imaginary friends."

I smiled. Compare to him, my other friends are nothing. They are different after all. My old friends are the products of my imagination, while you are..

"Look," he said, "I don't know if it is love or merely a rebound. Maybe you still have some unfinished business, maybe you're using this newcomer as your rebound, maybe you ARE in love instead.. It doesn't matter. What matters is, in the end, YOU should choose. No matter who will it be, or maybe not any of them, you still have to make a choice. I know you won't like it, but this is how life works. It's easier to be truthful to yourself and to  everyone."

I sighed. I know what to do. I just... ran away.

"Thanks."

"Anytime."

And as he slowly faded with the lights that passed, I took my steps and walked away. City lights blinded the sky into darkness with its artificial lights. Then as I entered my garden, I looked up and saw.

This evening... I could see the true lights hanging on the limitless dark sky.

Thank you.


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