Peut-être nous n'avons pas besoin d'amour. Peut-être c'est une aide que nous avons vraiment besoin (Maybe we don't need love after all. Maybe help it what we really need)

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Seminyak, Bali, Indonesia
Life is merely a journey to the grave, but to make the journey become a beautiful parade or a dark mourning ceremony is all in your hand.

About The Blog

nothing special. just a compilation of my feelings. feel free to read or use if it is not my own work (like song lyrics). stealing my own work will not give you any lawsuit, but please respect the owner by not taking any part of the content that is made by me without my acknowledgment and without putting my name on it. :]

July 29, 2013

Goo Goo Dolls - Before It's Too Late (Ost. Transformer)

I wander through fiction to look for the truth,
Buried beneath all the lies..
And I stood at a distance, to feel who you are,
Hiding myself in your eyes...

And hold on before it's too late..
We'll run till we leave this behind..
Don't fall just be who you are;
It's all that we need in our lives..

And the risk that might break you is the one that would save,
A life you don't live is still lost..
So stand on the edge with me, hold back your fear and see,
Nothing is real 'til it's gone..

And hold on before it's too late..
We'll run till we leave this behind..
Don't fall just be who you are;
It's all that we need in our lives..

So live like you mean it,
Love 'til you feel it,
It's all that we need in our lives..
So stand on the edge with me,
Hold back your fear and see,
Nothing is real 'til it's gone..

And hold on before it's too late..
We'll run till we leave this behind..
Don't fall just be who you are;
It's all that we need in our lives..

And hold on before it's too late..
We'll run till we leave this behind..
Don't fall just be who you are;
It's all that we need in our lives..

It's all that we need in our lives,
It's all that we need in our lives..

It's all that I need in my life..


July 20, 2013

My Quarter Century

Another year has passed..

It's funny how time slowly walks with or without you noticing.
It's funny how life goes on.
It's funny. Maybe that's why I laughed.

Thank you for the abundance of time and love given. Thank you.

:)


July 18, 2013

Lots And Lots Of Maybe.

Maybe it's hard find someone who can understand you and can accept the way you are truly, so you don't need to pretend anymore. You become who you are, you are loved because of it.

Maybe it's the reason why it's so difficult to let go of that person when it's time to let go. It seems like you will lose your precious gem, your only life and soul.

But maybe he or she doesn't really understand you. Maybe he or she PRETEND to understand you. Or maybe he or she does understand you, but you don't understand him or her in return, which will be unfair for him or her.

Maybe you both are simply not meant to be. Maybe being connected body and soul is not enough to maintain relationship. Maybe he or she is cheating on you. Or maybe you just feel bored to him or her.

Maybe he or she doesn't love you as much as you do to him or her. Or maybe it's the other way around. Maybe he or she is tired with all of your whining. Or maybe you are just too tired in handling his or her personality.

Maybe he or she doesn't try hard enough. Or maybe you tried too hard. Maybe you haven't realized that no matter how hard you tried, if he or she isn't meant for you, then it just won't happen.

Maybe it will be easier if in the end you can understand that.

Maybe I'm scared of losing you. Maybe it's just my immune system responding to what had just happened.

Maybe someday we'll understand each other. Or maybe not.

Maybe.


July 10, 2013

Sepotong Resah Kemarin Malam.

. . . . .

Udara dingin menusuk. Api lilin di pangkuanku menari liar kesetanan dihembus angin. Aku terdiam mendengar nada sambung berbunyi.. Kemudian nada sibuk menghampiri. Sudah tiga kali.

Aku capek. Kutatap lagi layar telepon selulerku.

"Halo?"

"Halo. Lagi dimana?"

"Di rumah. Kamu di?"

"Di taman deket kolam kemarenan. Sendirian."

"Oh, di situ. Ngapain? Kaya orang bego."

"Hari ini ulang tahunnya. Mau ditelpon sih. Udah nyiapin kue segala buat difotoin. Nyiapin lagu buat dinyanyiin."

"Dan?"

"Seperti biasa. Dia ga jawab."

"Sibuk kali."

"Selalu? Udah cukup kaya gini terus. Sejak Juni dia menjauh. Awalnya karena kerjaan. Lama-lama..".

Kami terdiam sejenak. Kemarin aku dan temanku ke tempat ini, menikmati puluhan teratai merah jambu yang mengambang damai di kolam hitam yang memantulkan cahaya lampu kota dengan begitu mesranya. Di sinilah aku merenung tentang banyak hal. Termasuk tentang kamu.

"Terus gimana?"

"I left a voicenote. Aku memutuskan untuk berhenti. Aku lelah harus seakan menjadi yang terlihat begitu sayang. Aku capek terus-terusan terlihat bodoh karena berteriak-teriak dan membanggakan orang yang tak memberikan hal yang sama."

"Jadi penjajakan kalian berakhir?"

"Aku bilang kalau semua terserah dia. Aku ikuti saranmu. Aku hanya akan diam dan menikmati hidupku, seperti dia menikmati kesibukannya. Maksudku, aku selalu bisa menyempatkan waktuku untuk menghubungi dia. Selalu. Setiap hari. Aku kirim rekaman suaraku yang selalu mengatakan "aku sayang kamu" setiap hari."

"Aku tidak minta dia di sini. Aku cuma minta dia peduli. Aku cuma minta dia menunjukkan kalau dia peduli."

Aku termenung. Cukup lama sejak terakhir kali hatiku dibolak-balikkan seperti ini.

"Jika kemudian dia berubah, kamu mau apa?"

"Ga tau. Aku tidak berharap banyak. Aku tidak berharap sama sekali."

"Mungkin ini pembelajaran lain buatmu. Sejak kamu pulang dari luar negeri kamu jadi begitu keras. Begitu dingin. Mungkin ini adalah cara semesta membantu melembutkan kerasmu. Mencairkan dinginmu."

"Dengan memberikan sosok yang seperti itu?"

"Apa kamu menyesal sudah mengenalnya?"

Aku menghela nafas. "Menyesal? Jelas tidak. Dia adalah satu dari segelintir orang yang paham pola pikirku. Dia begitu mengerti. Dia begitu indah. Dia begitu..".

"Begitu?"

"Jauh. Dan selalu membuat seakan hatinya terlindungi oleh sesuatu yang membuatnya tak dapat dirasakan atau disentuh."

"You'll be alright."

"I know. I just need to know that I'm doing the right thing. Am I?"

"Ga ada yang salah. Dia tidak peka dan kamu sedang butuh dukungan di saat-saat ini. Kalian cuma tidak cocok."

"Butuh waktu begitu lama untuk memikirkan ini. Begitu berat memilih untuk mengikhlaskan dia atau untuk tetap memegangnya."

"Sampai di saat dia berkata bahwa bagi dia kehilangan kamu itu tak apa."

"Ya. Sampai saat itu."

Kami kembali terdiam. Deru beberapa motor melintas memecah sunyi. Api lilin di pangkuanku telah sejak tadi mati.

"Aku takut," kataku tiba-tiba. "Aku takut jika ternyata selama ini semuanya semu."

"Jika kamu melakukan apa yang menurut hatimu benar, maka itulah kebenaran adanya."

Aku menghela nafas. "Thank's ya! Aku mau pulang. Dah dingin banget."

"Oke. Semangat ya?"

"Sip!"

Klik.

Aku melangkah pergi dari bangku taman di depan kolam teratai merah jambu tempatku berpikir, menembus dingin yang pekat. Kue kecil dan lilin itu kutinggal bersama dengan harapan tinggiku akan kita nantinya di sana.

July 09, 2013

Three Steps To Find That Perfect Partner.

What is "perfect" for a partner? Rich, good-looking, understanding, caring, good in bed, romantic? Perfect can be anything from A to Z, yet you must ponder yourself to 3 things I am going to say:

FIRST:
Sadly, there will NEVER be that perfect partner.
Why is that? Because perfection is a very unmeasurable and impossible variable to be put onto a human being.
Face it, we are not perfect. People might see someone as having a perfect body, yet is that someone also having a perfect life? Perfect happiness? Perfect relationship? Perfect income? are you SURE that person has no problem? If yes is your answer, then how do you know? Have you asked that person? Have you lived in his/her shoes to feel what the person's feel?


SECOND:
Perfection comes from how we perceive it.
We see someone, or something, as perfect because it fits to our terms and condition. No matter how muscly a particular guy could be, a woman who dislike muscly guys will not choose him. It's all in your point of view.
Thus, this is the reason why in the name of love we embark to a journey to find the "perfect" partner. We are not trying to find the perfect one! We move on from one person to another coz each comes with a "flaw". We tend to select people based on how that individual can fulfill our prerequisites.

THIRD:
The only way to find perfection inside is by accepting the flaw and enjoying the rest.
That's the only way. Finding perfection will result in nothing. When you're ready to settle, you will naturally pick a flaw you can tolerate and embrace it. Accepting one's flaw and enjoying the rest is the key to find perfection.

However, when you are unsure on whether to accept a flaw or to let it go, try to think of the opposite. Would it be better if he/she is doing the opposite of the "flaw"?

Would it better if he/she is cheap instead of being a spender?
Would it be better if he/she is overly attached instead of emotionally unavailable?
Would it be better if that person is the other way around?

If in the end the flaw is unbearable for you to live for the rest of your life, then you might consider letting go to avoid further damage for both you and your potential life partner. Forcing something that will not stick together no matter what is useless physically, mentally, and emotionally.

If not, then the relationship is worth to fight for. :)

So.. What do you need? What can't you live without?

Choose. Accept. And enjoy. :)




July 02, 2013

Meh.

These days flew away slow and dreadfully. Regrets and frustration flourished deep in the cold walls of fear and uncertainty... Ah whatever! Can't really write much. Feeling very dry and stuck.