Peut-ĂȘtre nous n'avons pas besoin d'amour. Peut-ĂȘtre c'est une aide que nous avons vraiment besoin (Maybe we don't need love after all. Maybe help it what we really need)

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Seminyak, Bali, Indonesia
Life is merely a journey to the grave, but to make the journey become a beautiful parade or a dark mourning ceremony is all in your hand.

About The Blog

nothing special. just a compilation of my feelings. feel free to read or use if it is not my own work (like song lyrics). stealing my own work will not give you any lawsuit, but please respect the owner by not taking any part of the content that is made by me without my acknowledgment and without putting my name on it. :]

November 06, 2013

I'm (Not) Ready.

It was late at night when I decided to text you. While listening to my old jazz music, I tried to tell you what I was thinking about the whole day. We started with some stupid convos, then I finally said it.

"I dun think it'll work out."

Out of billions of words I can create, I chose to use that blunt, straight-to-the-point sentence.

"I also think the same way."

I was a bit surprised. So it wasn't just me.

"Yeah. I cudn't catch up with what you want, especially with my own luggages and my problems."

"Yeah, in some aspects, we are completely in a different page."

"I know."

***

I can't do it again.
There has been so many disappointments and pain. I tried and kept falling. I'm just too scared to try once more; I couldn't even try to work it out. I just stood there and see it withered and died.

I am not ready for the drama. I just couldn't afford the mental and physical sacrifice I should give. There's just too many future responsibilities that comes with the relationship that turns me off straight away.So I decided to stop it.

In the end, I spent another night enjoying my life alone. With all that has happened, I can't help but beating myself up and keep thinking that it was my fault. If only I could be bolder. If only I could be less selfish. If only I could give it a go.. If only I could. Yet I couldn't.