Peut-ĂȘtre nous n'avons pas besoin d'amour. Peut-ĂȘtre c'est une aide que nous avons vraiment besoin (Maybe we don't need love after all. Maybe help it what we really need)

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Seminyak, Bali, Indonesia
Life is merely a journey to the grave, but to make the journey become a beautiful parade or a dark mourning ceremony is all in your hand.

About The Blog

nothing special. just a compilation of my feelings. feel free to read or use if it is not my own work (like song lyrics). stealing my own work will not give you any lawsuit, but please respect the owner by not taking any part of the content that is made by me without my acknowledgment and without putting my name on it. :]

December 26, 2013

The Empty Chair

I decided to go to the gym today, regardless of my after-recovery condition from flu and my sister's demand to join them to go for a quick vacation downtown. It's a bit too much for me with all of the crowds and people around. I need to recharge myself again with solidity.

I took my laptop with me to do some homework from my French class. It's quite strange to see the gym almost empty after being trapped in a traffic full of visitors outside the city trying to enjoy their year-end vacation here. Nevertheless, the gym went well. I only felt a slight drowsiness due to the recovery. After gym, I decided to go across the road to have a cup of hot tea and a portion of internet. The cafe was also empty, fortunately. I took my seat at the corner of the second floor, by the window, and enjoyed my hot tea while doing some homework.

Once in awhile, I looked out at the window, staring at the clouds drifting away by the wind. My mind floated away, recalling old memories with my mates while I was in my old town. We used to gather and talk after work till very late at nite. I kinda miss them now.

Then I looked at the chair in front of me. It was empty.

I somewhat felt bitterness and joy staring at that empty chair. The life of non string attached and solidity that I had chosen was okay, but it might have taken the toll out of me. I've had enough of exes that didn't fit the chair and eventually had to leave. I was so tired of seeing an unfit person sitting in front of me that I decided to put my bag on it, stopping others to try their luck.

 Yet meaningless strings also tiring and boring. Somehow, I wished for a person to fill that spot again. Somehow I wish someone can just take the bag and sit on the chair, smiling, and accompanies me whole nite long, talking about music, philosophy, history, sport, arts... whatever. I just wish someone could just sit there and surprise me with whatever they have.

But then I locked that thoughts away. I couldn't afford to hurt and be hurt again. The trial is over. The fun is done. I was too scared of needing a person just because I was lonely, not because I needed company. I didn't want to force it anymore.

So I returned to my homework and job, trying to rid the loneliness away at the corner by the window, with an empty chair accompanying me through the lazy afternoon.

Then suddenly someone lifted the bag and sat on the chair with a smile that somewhat sent a strange message within.

"Hey! Mind if I join in?"

December 02, 2013

The Wall

When we were born, we were bare. No clothes covered us. No blanket protected us. We were born bare and exposed, vulnerable yet ready to let the world around gave us the lesson of life. As time goes by, we were given clothes to protect us from the fierceful weather. We covered our body with armor to hide our weakness. And as we did to our body, we then decided to protect our hearts as well.

However, we didn't put put clothes or armor to protect our hearts, our feelings. Instead, we built a wall. A wall so thick and powerful that nobody could come through. We were too scared of being hurt that we put the walls around. We wouldn't let anyone in because we knew that person would possibly hurt our vulnerable heart inside. We were comfortable with our walls that we forgot that there are others outside the wall. Yet since everybody was so scared of letting others in, everybody started to build walls as well. Having a wall became a necessity to survive the world. And soon, no one could feel others. They could only feel the cold walls others had built in front of them.

However, naturally mankind needed to be understood. Their hearts craved for a warm touch from other hearts. Thus, occasionally some people decided to step out of the wall, just a little bit. They try to hold hands, or feel at each other's pulsing beat. Some were too scared of going out, yet continuously shouted from inside the walls, begging to be rescued. Some that were too scared as well decided to stay quiet and let themselves trapped forever in their walls.

***

I was standing among these towering walls. I forgot where my walls had gone. All I know was that I was standing with nothing protected me and these thick "buildings" among me. My heart, hanging loose on my neck by a silver chain, beat slowly.

My hands touched each of the wall, feeling the weak pulse of the hearts inside. My heart cried a bit, knowing that I couldn't reach them and instead, rubbing my hands against their walls. As I looked away, I saw other walls around me. It felt hurt. They might have decided to locked themselves away in their walls. Others might not know what to do, and decided to build walls as well. Others might be like me, feeling sad and lost among these walls and decided to lock themselves as well in their walls.

I stopped and stare at a wall. It was warm. It was lovely. I touched it and tried to talk to it. It responded in a pulse I didn't really know, but somewhat familiar. My heart beat faster as the warmth slowly crept in.

"Hey, can I talk to you?"

The wall opened up a bit and showed a beautiful figure inside that smiled back at me. We talked that day, all through the night. We smiled, we made jokes, we hold hands. Our hearts were slowly synchronized. The smile that I saw, the lips that I felt, the figure that I embraced..

I slowly tried to touch that beautiful heart that beat in front of me, but suddenly the walls protruded sharp thorns that slit my hands. I fell. My hands were bleeding. Those eyes.. They cried.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry.. I'm too scared...".

"No.. No... NO! Please no!"

The wall was slowly closed right in front of me. Only a tower with a thorny brick wall left.

My heart bleed, my eyes were teary in blood.

***

The night was so cold, and here I was, lying down in a blood red wall. I couldn't stop crying ever since. It was long time ago, during the days I no longer could remember. I was there, laying in my wall. I was lonely and in pain. My heart that had stopped beating.

Until one day, my heart started pulsing again. I woke up and heard something outside my wall. A beautiful voice from outside echoed in.

"Hey, can I talk to you?"