Peut-ĂȘtre nous n'avons pas besoin d'amour. Peut-ĂȘtre c'est une aide que nous avons vraiment besoin (Maybe we don't need love after all. Maybe help it what we really need)

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Seminyak, Bali, Indonesia
Life is merely a journey to the grave, but to make the journey become a beautiful parade or a dark mourning ceremony is all in your hand.

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nothing special. just a compilation of my feelings. feel free to read or use if it is not my own work (like song lyrics). stealing my own work will not give you any lawsuit, but please respect the owner by not taking any part of the content that is made by me without my acknowledgment and without putting my name on it. :]

May 28, 2014

Then and Now.

I had a nice talk with one of my exes through skype this afternoon after having a quick local TV station interview with my friends.

"So u've changed! U're mature and look manlier now. Guess the old cute u has gone eh?"

I laughed a bit. "Yeah, I ain't getting younger so yeah. U've changed too. I heard u're working now."

"Yeah, oil company: The fastest way to get urself lots of money before bailing out for entrepreneurship."

"Lolololol!! Yeah you got that right!"

"I remembered u used to sing me songs with ur guitar through phone late at night."

"Yeah, I called late 'coz that's the time when they gave u the cheapest rate."

"And I paid back all of ur songs with a live concert of our favorite band in Bandung right?"

"Haha yeah! You got me melted through the core with that! <3 p="">
"Yeah that was a great time..".

Then we both fell into silence as I slowly recalled things I had done to those who had filled this empty gap in my heart: I sang songs while calling, I sent funny pictures with "I love you" writings, I made poems, I texted randomly just to greet them hi.. Those were the best time of my life: being romantic the way I can be and being appreciated when doing so.

"So.. You're dating anyone now?"

"Huh? Me? No. I've been single since 2012. Why so?" That question actually caught me off-guard.

"Nothing. It's just that.. A guy like you.. You're so romantic, yet difficult."

"Huh?"

"Nevermind. Anyway are you sure you're single now?"

"Yeah. I am. It's kinda hard to find a nice partner these days. As I gain age and experiences, the need to have fun has slowly replaced by the need to be settled.. And apparently I'm not lucky enough to find a perfect match to be settled with."

"How so?"

"I don't know. Most of them are younger, and even if the age difference is only around two to four years, I find it difficult to comprehend their mind. They don't appreciate little things anymore, distance and lack of attention are too difficult for them that they eventually cheat. Some even want non emotional sex! What a world nowadays.. :| ".

"I guess you hang out in a wrong neighborhood eh? Hahahahaha. :)) "

"Yeah hahaha."

"Maybe u're just overthinking it. Just do what you think it's necessary. You don't have to hold back or push it too far. Maybe the pond where u're searching has fish you don't like. All you need to do is to change the pond."

"Yeah, lololol. Fishing time!"

"Lol. Stupid. So, are you still searching?"

"Not that hard anymore. I sometimes think it could be my Karma for hurting many before and after you, or even hurting you too. Perhaps this is the way the universe wants me to feel my own meds."

"Don't be afraid to fall in love again. :)"

Then the connection went down. I had no idea what happened, but the last sentence struck me so hard.
I've been spending my time targeting myself for a perfect relationship, I'm being so protective towards myself, skeptical yet hopeful. I've hurt myself by giving too much or to little because I am too hard to myself.

Don't be afraid to fall in love again.

I smiled. Then typed.

"The connection's down I guess. Anyway, thanks. Gtg now." 

1 comment:

  1. Maybe you just need to learn how to love again. This post sounds like telling people about a hidden loneliness which can't be understood and seen directly. Very Cancerian-oriented, like me.

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