Peut-ĂȘtre nous n'avons pas besoin d'amour. Peut-ĂȘtre c'est une aide que nous avons vraiment besoin (Maybe we don't need love after all. Maybe help it what we really need)

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Seminyak, Bali, Indonesia
Life is merely a journey to the grave, but to make the journey become a beautiful parade or a dark mourning ceremony is all in your hand.

About The Blog

nothing special. just a compilation of my feelings. feel free to read or use if it is not my own work (like song lyrics). stealing my own work will not give you any lawsuit, but please respect the owner by not taking any part of the content that is made by me without my acknowledgment and without putting my name on it. :]

July 20, 2014

Passing the quarter century.

It's 3.30 am and I can't sleep.

Many have happened. Many more will happen after. Enemies are made, friendships are forged, hearts are broken... That's how aging is right?

It's quarter plus one and I can't sleep.

Successfully passing a quarter of century. Unsuccessfully making myself happy doing it. People my age, they had settled down. They figured out what to do. While I'm here, busy being lost in my own thoughts of the world. Nevertheless, I am happy. Am I?

It's another year passed and I can't sleep.

I am happy I can make it this far, yet I'm also anxious and disappointed. What have I done so far? Have I changed the world? Have I managed to create a better place for everyone? Or Have I been slowly dragged into the leash and cage everybody else's wearing?

It's around 3 and a half hours now.

A friend told me that we must trade innocence for experience, age for maturity. Some failed to gain profit from the trading, and some succeeded. Am I failed? Am I succeeded? Am I on the right track? Or Am I on the wrong lane?

It's 26 years old now.

Maybe I'm just nervous.

July 18, 2014

The Arcana - XIII. Death

"The moment man devoured The Fruit of Knowledge, he sealed his fate. Entrusting his future to the cards, man clings to the dim hope. Yes, the Arcana is the means by which all is revealed."


And he stood there, seemingly fearless. His body was slowly engulfed by shining flame. His eyes looked at the emptiness of the sky, his wings and feathers slowly burned as well.

Nevertheless, he stood still with no weakened resolve. The fire slowly burned away his body, only the silhouette beneath the flame could be seen.

Knowing that this is his end, he stood silently as his own flame burned him. He let the flame ate away all of his sorrow, all his pain, all of his attachments. The inevitable cycle of Death and Rebirth will be his savior, putting aside the painful journey into it.

As the flame slowly embrace his neck, he looked up to the sky. He cried but either for joy of being rebirth, or pain for dying. He cried for no apparent reason. He had nothing left to lose, for he had lost everything. He had nothing left to hold, since he had nothing left to hold. He only had his path, waiting for him.

"From the total surrender, the Hanged Man, I shall born anew.. with the painful Death."

When we enjoy the glory of living, we shall not forget the glory of dying. Life and Death are always together, for they are inseparable. To live means to die someday, and to die does not mean to stop. Death is not a sunset, or an end. It is a dawn, a new beginning. It is not an eternal sleep. It is the moment of waking up, and be free.

 And thus, the Phoenix died, returning to ash. And from the dust of grey, a pair of same blue eyes, albeit small and innocent, raised up. He is born anew. He is ready for the next cycle.

July 17, 2014

It Can Get A Little Bit Lonely Here.

I know we must not think that being together in a relationship will solve everything. There are many proofs of things happen the other way around. There are sayings everywhere to let you find and get your happiness first coz love can always catch up. There are pain from the past that keeps reminding me about how I should not carelessly fall into it again.

Yet it can get a little bit lonely here.

I regretted those moments when I spend my time fooling around. I almost got married. I fell in love so hard. I put my hopes too high. I loved someone far far away once. I cheated. I got cheated with. I lied. I was deceived. I dumped. I got dumped. That's love. That's life. That's the scars ornamenting this weak beating heart. It hurts until now.

Yet it can get a little bit lonely here.

I'm happy to see many of my friends manage to survive in relationship. Their maturity may be the reason. The ability to accept and to compromise. The power to believe and to be trusted. The continuous innocence and energy... I have none of those. Yet people still come. And it always ended up the same way. And I'm tired of this nonsense.

Yet it can get a little bit lonely here.

I worked. I studied. I ran away. I tried everything. I did everything. I lied to everyone. I lied to myself. I make people think they know me. I let them think I am happy. I know life will be easier when they know nothing. No one understands. No one will. But I don't know... I still don't want to be lonely.

Yet I still am a little lonely here.