Peut-ĂȘtre nous n'avons pas besoin d'amour. Peut-ĂȘtre c'est une aide que nous avons vraiment besoin (Maybe we don't need love after all. Maybe help it what we really need)

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Seminyak, Bali, Indonesia
Life is merely a journey to the grave, but to make the journey become a beautiful parade or a dark mourning ceremony is all in your hand.

About The Blog

nothing special. just a compilation of my feelings. feel free to read or use if it is not my own work (like song lyrics). stealing my own work will not give you any lawsuit, but please respect the owner by not taking any part of the content that is made by me without my acknowledgment and without putting my name on it. :]

November 11, 2016

I Forgive You

Dear Myself,


It's been more than twenty years we are together, and with all the bumpy paths and detours we take, we have gained and lost so many. We have defeated and be defeated numerous times. We earned and spent so much. We made the best and worst decisions ever, and for that, I am genuinely happy.

Our path had been pretty unwell lately, though. We are now unemployed, constantly sad, sometimes depressed and suicidal, often sick, and slowly losing every single spark of hope we had. But with all the pain, you are always with me. You always stay and prevail. You tried your best to fulfill our expectation. No matter how painful it was for you, you pushed yourself just to make us happy. Although in the end we are just taking a long detour, you never complained. You just silently trying to be strong with our hopes and dreams that slowly fades away. You took us so far in this journey. You gave us the best experience people our age could only dream. Although with all the journeys we got beaten up so bad, you never gave up on us. No matter how tempting the afterlife is, you never give up.

I thank you, and I forgive you for all the mistakes we made together. All the decisions and the nonsense judgments... All the failures to reach our dreams, all the premature decisions to giving up.. I forgive you.

And please, forgive me too for being too hard for you. Forgive me for being harsh and mean, for beating up for every single failure made, for every expectation left unfulfilled. Please forgive this selfish me, for I know I only have you, and you only have me.

I will always love you. Because we only have each other, because we only have our hands to support us.

Please relax now, and take a deep breath. Don't try to think of making us happy. Just rest for a bit, then let's find out our path again. This time, together.

I promise, dear myself, that I will always love us from now on.


With love,

Me.

May 01, 2016

Jakarta Dalam Angan, Hujan, dan Rindu

Apa kamu lihat aku di sini,
Duduk tolol dengan segelas es krim,
Menghayal apa yang terjadi jika tidak terjadi?

Apa memang sendiri
Adalah hujan sore yang pura-pura
Menemani sendu?

Dan apa hujan ini tahu,
Saat es krimku mulai mencair,
Aku ingin bisa sekali saja kembali?

Apa mungkin sunyi
Menjadi jawab ragu dan rindu
Yang pelan-pelan jadi kelu?

Lalu ikut jauth dengan tetesan es krim yang mulai cair
Dan lengket di tangan.




April 29, 2016

The Questions of Eternal Bond

Let me ask you questions before you walk on the aisle,
Three simple inquiries one must understand
Three things most people avoid in denial,
Yet the answers are nothing but hard for a mere man.

So allow me to ask you these:
Who are you, who you really are,
And how would you see us in the next fifty years?
Because I never really know you so far
And I need our vow to last longer than the stars.

And shall you have the answer for question one and two,
Let me ask you one more before we go through:
What is Death to you, if I may know?
The word man fears and the place no one dares to go.

Tell me, young ones, tell me the answer
Because I want to see how far you fair
But take your time, no need to falter,
Take an eternity and the last air
Or till the Sun lost its flare

Because I shall wait here,
For you, in eternity.



February 22, 2016

Happiness On A Plate of Nasi Rawon

It's almost rare for me to write anything related to food, but I just couldn't resist it after what just happened this morning while I was buying some snacks for my working hour time.

So first, for all of you who does not understand what Nasi Rawon is, here's a wikipedia page to help you out:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rawon

So here it goes:

It all started exactly one week ago. I was walking to the nearest convenient store from my office and met the cashier girl. We were both from East Java, so we got along quite well very quickly (the typical thing you would have when you are living outside your own region). As always, I bought my low fat snacks and low sugar cold drinks. The cashier usually smiled and was cheerful, but not at that day.

"U okay?"

She smiled a bit, responding to my sudden question in the middle of her counting the money. "Oh yeah, I'm okay. I'm just tired. Had to work over my shift today."

"Oh? Is it coz one of your friend got sick?"

"No. He hasn't come yet and I couldn't leave the store. It always happen that way."

I somewhat felt a bit upset. "But can't you just tell your supervisor that he keeps coming late, whoever he is?"

"My supervisor won't care. He just wants everything works fine in his report for his boss. I even have to cover some of lost item here."

"Wait, what? Lost items? Like, someone steals it?"

"Yes. It happens all the time. Small things at first, cigarettes, match... Then a cartoon of milk, snacks... That's why I'm checking every items every morning now."

"Oh poor you. But if you aren't the one taking it, why do you have to replace it with your own cash?"

"My supervisor doesn't care. All he wants to know is the balance between the items in stock and items sold and the money come in."

"Since when did it happen?"

"Quite some times."

It was mind blowing. This girl had done this all this time, replacing missing items with her own money, prolonging her shift for her incompetent coworkers...

"You should resign. It's not healthy."

She looked at me as i said the magic word: resign.

"But, how? And how am I going to work?"

"Lady, you're paying the items you don't take with the salary you got from here anyway. You won't be happy here."

"But.. Then how am I going to pay for my college tuition?"

"Find another job. The better ones! The ones with better pay, better work environment. I don't know. It's not healthy to stay in this kind of environment, that's for sure."

"Just try," I continued my speech. "Just look. I mean, surely you won't save much here as well."

She was lost in her thoughts for awhile. "I think you're right. My friend told me a job vacancy for admin in a big company as well. I don't know how to be an admin though..."

"Give it a try!" I said. "C'mon. Do you think I know how to be a manager? I crawl and learn from zero. As long as you believe you can do the job and you can show your future employer you have what it takes, you just need to learn your job description later. You just need the willingness, Lady!"

A faint optimism sparked from her eyes again. "Yes! I think you're right. I'll try!"

In short, I paid my food and walked away. I didn't think about anything else at that time. My words of encouragement came out simply because I disliked people being forced to do things they don't like. Besides, at that time I didn't see any much different between a cashier and an admin.

***

I went back to the convenient store and met her again one week later. She looked very bright and cheerful again today.

"Hey! I wanna tell you something! I got accepted! Starting next month I'm gonna work as an admin!"

I was shocked but quickly was overwhelmed by happiness. "Yay! So you're resigning?"

"Yeah.. I'll hand in my letter today. I'm so excited!"

I was happy for her, although deep inside I had a question myself: What's so good about being an admin?

"Do you know how to be an admin?"

She nodded. "I asked around and I think I can do it." She then smiled.

"So while baing an admin, what are you planning to do?"

"Well, I can save up a little bit more for my degree, so I think I can take accounting major. Then maybe I will use my corporate experience and my educational experience to land a better job. I mean, I can't spend my entire life being a cashier right?"

Wow, this girl was filled with hopes and dreams apparently, very different from how I saw her last week.

"Hey, if that's your plan, then you go for it! I wish you goodluck ey?"

She smiled brightly. "Thank you so much for giving me the courage to do it."

I smiled.

***

On my way back, my thoughts kept wailing on my brain. The fact that she was happy to be accepted as a mere admin from her previous job as cashier puzzled me.

Then I remembered what my mum told me when I was still in Uni. I was asking her about how to measure happiness, and she came up with this beautiful analogy:

Do you remember your favorit food, Rawon? If you spend one year not eating rawon, then suddenly someone gave it to you, you will eat it to your heart's content right? Now imagine if I feed you rawon every single day. Will you be happy if I give rawon again after one year of eating it? That's how you measure happiness. For some, a plate of rawon, a small candy, an ugly t-shirt, those are worthless. For others, it was like gold.

Some people are happy for trivial things because it is one of the most beautiful things they can have, although it is trivial for others. That is happiness. It is subjective. It is unmeasured. But it gives the same impact to people who can appreciate it.


Maybe for me, being an admin is not so impressive, but for her, it is like gold. Her genuine smile says it all.

The event just now gave me something new to learn about happiness on how it is unmeasurable and very relative, although it is equally giving positive impact to everyone feeling it.

You go, Lady, chase your dream and happiness. And I shall chase mine.