Peut-ĂȘtre nous n'avons pas besoin d'amour. Peut-ĂȘtre c'est une aide que nous avons vraiment besoin (Maybe we don't need love after all. Maybe help it what we really need)

The Owner's Bio

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Seminyak, Bali, Indonesia
Life is merely a journey to the grave, but to make the journey become a beautiful parade or a dark mourning ceremony is all in your hand.

About The Blog

nothing special. just a compilation of my feelings. feel free to read or use if it is not my own work (like song lyrics). stealing my own work will not give you any lawsuit, but please respect the owner by not taking any part of the content that is made by me without my acknowledgment and without putting my name on it. :]

January 31, 2017

After A Talk 2: Change and Experience

This morning a friend texted me, saying that he was moved by my old writings in this blog. He said that deep inside this fit and happy looking fellow, there are hardships and pain. This writing will be the second of what came to my mind after our brief conversation:

His remarks for this blog made me open up my old posts about myself here. I read many stories with different style of writing and theme and saw how I myself grew through my own respond. It feels like going through your old photos and see yourself slowly changing from a baby to an adult.

Then I found something out of my growth. I noticed I changed slowly from the dreamy guy with lots of imagination into a stoic, realistic bitter person with little interest in reading. This honestly freaked me out.

I was always a book lover. I read books simply because I need to read. It was like a habit to me to read and let my imagination go wild. I can read the whole LOTR Trilogy during weekend! Harry Potter and The Goblet of Fire was done read in just one day! But now I'm just sitting here with an old book I'm struggling to finish for two years! (It's Murakami, Colorless Tsukuri Tazaki)

I am scared. I always deny that I'm approaching 30 because the fact that old people are not fun and interesting, but here I am unwillingly heading there. I physically train and dress up to look younger (and it works!) but I forgot that my mind is growing older too.

A friend told me that experience is paid by innocence and curiosity. We came to life with a bag full of innocence and slowly pay our experience by trading it with coins and coins of innocence. This kind of make sense because people who are not willing to be curious will never be able to purchase more experience (I am talking like we are going on a shopping here), but slowly with many experience we have, he will slowly lose our innocent side. We worry, be cautious, and slowly turning to a person with fear and precautions. We can no longer see life as adventurous and beautiful anymore; we start seeing life as dangerous.

Oh how I miss adventuring by the rain not fearing of getting sick and had to skip work the next day.

After a Talk 1: Image and Attention-Seeking

This morning a friend texted me, saying that he was moved by my old writings in this blog. He said that deep inside this fit and happy looking fellow, there are hardships and pain. This writing will be the first of what came to my mind after our brief conversation:

He said he was fooled by the way I presented myself on social medias. I was always looking fit, vibrant, almost ignorant, happy... You name it. After he dug in into my blog (my self proclaimed public diary to quench my thirst of attention seeking... Which isn't really helping), he figured out a completely different side of me. The more human, with sadness, broken dreams, and loneliness.

It made me wonder though. Mankind always judge from the cover. The first impression is always important for that will make you want to get closer to the said person (this is called branding and marketing). There are even books that teach you how to make a good first impression! I mean, I have to be honest that even I buy books when the cover (and the text on the back cover, followed by the review on goodreads) look artsy to me.

But then, what if what you see is not always what you get? What if the delicious cake advertised, decorated, and displayed, tasted like dirt in the end? Who's fault is that? The cake? The fooled customer?

Social medias has been a beautiful way to wrap sadness of life into something cute and beautiful. Check on the photos on Instagram, cool tweets on twitter, check-ins on Paths, collection on thoughts and writing on Tumblr... They all display the beautiful side of life, where everything is about traveling, smart chats, pretty faces... But what's behind there? Is life really that beautiful behind the monitor?

We get jealous sometimes by these pretty-but-most likely-unreal posts. we see other people's life and we feel envious of how cool and fun it would be to be them, simply because their live videos or their heavily edited photos look awesome and cool. But have you ever wonder what's going on behind it? How they struggle with bills to finance their travel? How stressful it is to always look 100% instagrammable? How they have to constantly think about what to say and not to say? How they must behave politically and communicatively correct not to, or maybe to offend others?

And do you notice how blurry the lines nowadays? What lines? The lines of privacy of course. We crave for attention so we start opening up, showing the good side of our life only to hopefully draw attention. We are now the celebrity of our own little world. We start posting food, then daily activities, then our hobbies, then our sexy photos... We are inviting strangers to come closer and closer to our doorsteps. We let them in because we are addicted to attention. We are an addict to be someone different, someone special among other 7 billion people (per 2016). But then as strangers will do, they will not stop by the open door. They will start going in, start going deeper and deeper and found our ugly sides and will have different respond: hating it and become the hatters, or even loving it  and become fans.

We are trapped in our own cycle of Attention Seeking and Jealousy. Are we that pathetic?

January 02, 2017

Late New Year Bash

It's been some times since my last time posting here. As i grew older I found it pretty hard to spend time to write something. Maybe I just lost the writing touch.

So anyway, I've been missing traveling again. I've been staying in this place for a year now, and I feel stuck. I want to have another chance to go and adventuring.

Not really sure when or where, but I will surely go again. My next target would be Thailand, then Germany for a long term one.

Frankly I have nothing else to write,so yeah. Will keep you guys posted. And I hope I can get my writing mojo back.